17 reasons why i hate girls under 18

I have noticed that there is a plague that strikes any girl under the age of 18 and its public intoxication. Not just your average case of public intoxication, but the most obnoxious and socially fatal amounts of intoxication. These girls travel in packs, usually in threes and even the smallest whiff of vodka turns them into monsters of the night, turning a usual peaceful bus ride into one of misery and suicidal tendencies . Same thing happens every time, these make up layered, glitter gleaming, short skirt, cleavage bearing, eye soars (unless you are a pedophile of course) enter the bus with their war/mating call of "woooooooooo"(usually in a high pitch satanic frequency) bearing their weapons of cleverly disguised clear water bottles filled with a not so clear liquid.
Very much similar to if a group of black bears were to board the bus you cannot make eye contact with them, or else you will be fatally mauled and subjected to and endless marauding of mildly intrusive and flirtatious comments.
(LATEST REAL LIFE COMMENT)
"...oh so you worked at American apparel so that means you can help me take off this dress and put it back on a whole bunch of different ways" - desperate underage girl at bus stop

Heaven forbid the camera comes out, and they think you are a worthy candidate for a photo with them, just pray you are sitting next to an emergency exit and that you are next to soft grass.

So screw you, you miley cyrus listening, vodka drinking demons of Saturday nights. (But not literally, again unless you are a pedophile and maybe enough of them might keep some of the sisterhood of the travelling miniskirts away from public transit.) one can only hope.

No Brainer No Gainer

so i've had nothing to write about the past few days sorry to any one that looks at this blog on a regular basis, which i am positive is no one, but wishful thinking never killed anyone. (well maybe a few cancer patients).

On a less offensive note i saw the new batman movie today, it was grand. i recomend it to everyone, of all races.

quote of the day "...It's not his fault he's just smoked so much weed and done so much acid that he is brain dead now, so it's not his fault." - idiot on bus.

Stittsville Stoners vs. The Police Department.

Today i (potentaly speaking) could have seen the death of my bus driver. On the same stretch of road as mentioned in my most previous blog, A large cement block twice the size of my fist ( i suspect shot from a slig shot) blew through the bus drivers side window. Powdering the left side of his face with glass, the cement chunk smashed into his chest breaking three ribs, still with enough force remaining to fly into the bus door. I know for certain if that rock had flown 3-4 inches higher he would have been dead. I think This bus driver should be awarded a medal for controlling that bus to a safe stop on the side of the road, or it could have been much worse. After rushing to the front of the bus to check on the bus driver, anger filled my head at the thought of these mentaly ill disgcraces to the human race probably celebrating there sucesful assult somewhere off in the treeline.

After waiting around few minuets (10-15) our cities loyal men (this case women) in blue come rolling over to the bus to take our statements, and infomed us that this just happend an hour and a half ago to another bus driver. After collecting the cement block for "evidence" they made it on thier way. Most likely to feast on coffee and doughunts, and to ponder thier ill attempts at doing anything leaving the Stittsville Stoners the opportunity to strike again (litteraly), (and believe me they will.)
This is when my second thought of rage came. How can we expect our same Police Force to tackle cases like rape and murder if that can't catch possibly the most consistant criminals on earth? (Same two hour time frame, two to three times a week, not to mention twice in one night, same exact spot on the bus route.) Like seriously where is Dave Caruso when you need him, and i mean the actor, because let's be realistic he's probably has received better training in crime scene investigations than the OPP. But hey who knows maybe when someone one on that bus route dies the police will shuffle through thier no paper work and find the time to investigate, if we are lucky.

Dear Stittsville Stoners
Please invest yourselves into Crystal Meth or suicidal thoughts, anything that will take you from this earth faster and give us sane human beings a few extra molecules of fresh oxygen to breathe, thank you
Love D.

At this point i can't even decide who i hate more.

s.s vs tpd

Halo Vs.The Stittsville Stoners

Ok so picture 45 minutes away from any major city's downtown (driving) or wherever the farmers fields increase and the bus routes decrese, that is Stittsville. This is where i live. One day last week i was about an hour into my hour and fifteen minute bus ride, when the moon shifted a little too close to the earth a sucked a few of the remaining genomes out of these two kids. Which in turn possesed them to throw a very large rock at the bus drivers window. Unfortunatly the neuron that gives you the ability to aim was left intact and a large rock smashed the window and sent glass everywhere. The first words from a quite disheveled man after the glass settles is "Come on man i just want to go home and play Halo." but i supose his wish was not granted, as another rock struck the bus a moment later. The bus then pulled over to wait for police and i watch how this incident then changed everyone on the bus. Suddenly acting as if everyone has known each other for years and instantly became good friends. We all waited for the police to come, telling jokes and laughing. (This apparently has happened 4 times already) Moral of the story is, you can break tension with a rock, so next time you are at a party and you don't know anyone there, throw a rock through the window everyone will be sure to talk to you. It seems everyone went home happy to Halo and new friends that night.
Till next time, thank you Stittsville Stoners, i now see that you were only trying to help.

Vodka For breakfast

Today... hmm well i guess i woke up.. (typical for most mornings) i ate breakfast, had some eggs and a smoothie. (not gay) I then showered and got ready for a photoshoot with Will Fournier, seriously an awesome guy. After that was finished i raced down for a less glamorous photoshoot at the Ministry of Health to get my health card renewed, but apparently my old health card does not sufice as proper I.D. (Irony?) So i got rejected and now must simply fish out a letter that has my name and address on it, and a piece of paper with my name and signature,which i do feel some sort of terrorist or master of fraud could piece together. ( this blog is bland and uninteresting i know) i then met up with a Friend of mine and went to starbucks and got a very lame (but good tasting) go green power type drink. it was called a umm... actually i won't even bother just look for the stupid poster with an even more complicated and harder to remeber name than usual. Anyways events transpired from there, i lurked people doing yoga, got hit by a bus, did some cocaine you know average day things, then went over to my other friends and watched Snatch, (which i recomend for fans of British mumblings), Good Movie.

The end.
(i'll try to think of something better for tommrow)

I scream you scream we all pay for ice cream

I think it might be too early to write a blog, I think I read somewhere that blogging is like drinking, do it too early and you’re an addict, or something. I'm just not sure if I’ll get to it later so why not do it now? Today was a good accidental family day, it started off with me trying to fix my parents computer, failing, and with that much time already invested in family matters I figured "hey lets hang out". The majority of the day was spent with them, until the big pay off Dairy Queen! Small drive later I arrive to a critically overstaffed Dairy Queen Army. (defintly breaking some sort of fire code,) After a brief stand off my Dad works up the courage to step up to this Hot Eats militia, to order his Cool treats. After placing his and my sister’s order, he swiftly slips out his Gold plated visa (apparently a public sign that one has good credit ratings) and paid. Now realizing that ice cream no longer comes free in my branch of the Woodrow tree, I muster through my wallet for my humble Td emerald (which in reality should trump gold) Visa card, and paid for my blizzard. In the time it took for the cashier to process the transaction (much longer than it should of) I came up with a theory, that my father has read up on his psychology, and unconsciously decided this as his form of negative punishment for my failed efforts at fixing the computer. (B.F. Skinner) or maybe the Dairy Queen's Knights in shining red uniforms had threatened him and he was so scared that he completely forgot about me. Either way this seems to have some sort of lasting effect on me for the time being. (Sigmund Freud)

First post?

Umm... alright so i'm counting this as my first post, here we come blogging land.

Alright i'm not sure how to actually start a blog. Umm... probably wasn't the best way.
Actually i don't really even know what a blog is. I think it's my inner thoughts put on display for friends, family, and faceless late night gypsys of the web that might bore themselves to my page? (?)

ok i know what to do i'll place myslef some ground rules.
1. i promise to have spelling mistakes, because i was improperly schooled as a child (future blog)
2. improper punctuation (same reason as above)
3. an occasional joke
4.definte rants.
5.i said spelling mistakes right?
6. and some of that wit that you can find hidden in rule number 5. (and hey maybe even in this one)
7. i will never use a thesaurus (for the weak)

it's strange this feeling i have. i kind of think i like blogging?!

Daniel has a what?

...Yes so i have a blog. I think i've probably said something along the lines of "i will never have a blog".. . "blogs are gay"... "Blogging is for crazies" but here i am, Daniel(the hopefully witty blog writting hypocrite)Woodrow.