The Curse of the Cursed stand up comedian.

Awesome, two shows in a row which have only out done each other for the worst shows ever. I shall tell you about them now. Sorry it will be long but a promised good read. (I think)

August 9th 2008
it’s overcast Saturday afternoon, I’m on my way to a small farm in the outermost regions of Ottawa to a festival know to a very small community of people as "Burnfest". To do a 20 minute set to a crowd of 60 or so. As I arrive I am informed that an invisible children video is to be played followed by me. Now invisible children is a 55 minuet tear jerker of a documentary about children soldiers in Uganda who were kidnapped and forced into war, not a single joke in that video, so naturally not the best opener for a comic about to go on stage. So the video is coming to a close, I grab my water bottle and look into the crowd and there is not a single "dry eye" in the audience, which usually is a good expression but definitely not now. So I go up first 4-5 jokes have no response from a "deer in the headlights looking audience". Sweat is starting to build in my forehead, so I decide to kill the tyrannosaurus rex in the room by saying. “If you don't laugh at my jokes I will turn each and every one of you into child soldiers" (false) from then on it was smooth sailing. In reality I just said some little comment making fun of myself and a few more jokes and it turned into a pretty decent show. I was only left to think that I have fought through the worst show I will ever have.

August 16th 2008
(Worst show I will ever have)
...this is an excerpt from an email I sent, way too long to type again,
...we went to the beach that my show was at. It was a beach volleyball tournament, with a concert tent set up, where some bands were playing, and I was to perform. So basically 3 min after I arrive I get called to the stage. (Which was 30 min earlier than I expected) I get on stage and there is about 30-40 people scattered around sitting on the grass eating lunch. The problem I noticed first was that the tent had one open side, which was showing about 4 simultaneous games going on, that wasn't only distracting me but also my audience. So about 2 min, into my set that is already off to a rough but not terrible start, a lady walks up stands right in front of me and stops me mid joke, to ask me to hold the mic closer and talk louder so she can hear me from outside of the tent (instead of the much simpler and much less rude method of just joining the audience) So now with me trying to recover and (re)grab the attention of my audience, things look like they were about to turn for the better and actually make this a decent show, when all of a sudden my mic shut off(mid joke), and the sound man turns on his own mic and goes, I just have to make an announcement. He proceeds to start babbling about some volleyball score, and some other mundane crap that I’m positive could have waited till later. Now with me assured that this couldn't get any worse (mostly because I didn't think it was humanly possible) I was ready to get the show on the road. (literally/figuratively) About 4 min later an air horn goes off just outside the tent, then almost on command half my audience stands up and walks away. (I later find out that siren was to announce the start of a new game and not officially announce my bombing of the show) Stunned at what has just happened I plod through and try to stay on course, again with it looking like it was going to pick up a new batch of volleyball players bearing meals and distraction, fumble up to the tent and sit at the front. By this time 25 min of absolute hell (I’m sure that is what hell is like, and I’m just as scared of it as I was before) I say thanks for listening (half heartedly) and leave. I went and said my thanks to the organizer and left right away, frustrated and unwilling to talk to anyone. That was the worst so I will ever have (hopefully)
FIN.