let's get naked.

I know that if i get lazy and not write a little thing every day, there will never be another post, so as of this moment i have no clue what to write about. hmm. last night i went to go watch my friends, Gilson lubin, and jon dore, do a set at yuk yuks, that was really fun, it's so painful to sit in the back of a room and watch 300 people laugh and not being able to go on stage. That's like going to a pool party and having an open wound, and your stupid grade 6 teacher won't let you join the rest of the grade 6 class in the pool, so you just have to sit there all day in the blazzing sun and pass out and get a heat stroke. You know what i'm saying?? Yeah.... so the all black show is coming up pretty soon, i should probably spend sometime today figuring out what jokes to do at that. anyways i'm gunna make some food, and wonder why i started blogging.

peace out lovers

also come to Perfect 10 Jan 31st. Comedy Bar, 10:00 $10 945 bloor (ossignton station)
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=45706202444&ref=ts

Colour In The Lines

So today, all of the ignorance remaining in the deep southern states of the U.S. migrated up to Canada today, and possesed the body of one unfortunate (white) old man. This man in a line for Tim Hortons fix, begins to order his various items, looks up at the donut racks and pauses for a second the goes. "I'll take some of them coloured tim bits up there" A very rightfull reply from the cashier going. "Sorry?" Mr. Ignorace responds unfazed with. " " I said give me some of those chocolate glazed tim bits."

It was almost like Tim Hortons decided to make some trademark Tim Bits named Nero Glazed, and he was too afraid to afraid that, it would be offencive, so the only other word he could think of to decrive, a brown/black colour , was coloured.

Hopefully he doesn't get to much of that colour all over himself, i heard the klu klux klan doesn't take to kindly to that.


.

Homeward Bound

I JUST CAN'T WAIT
TO GET OUT OF THIS
CITY.

All Asians Say Konichiwa

Who knew that on such a short trip to the local ice cream shop one could be subjected to so many ignorant and intrusive questions. What should have just been a usual "hi, what do you want? Here’s your ice cream, get out of my shop." turned into a marauding of every ignorant question that I hate. I walk in to the opener of "I love your hair." (Fair enough, I do have a solid 7 inches of curly fro on my head) Which then lead to a question that makes me want to kick humanity in the crotch. “How do you make your hair like that, like how do you do to it?" I answered the only way I knew how. "Birth". He did not believe me. Is it possible that this man has not seen enough black people in his entire life to put together the statistic that the default setting of a Negro's hair is curly, just like mine? (I could be over reacting but maybe after hearing this question by enough ignorant people one gets to their wits end). I grabbed my Ice Cream (Heresy’s Oh Henry ice cream, yum!) and walked out to sit on the patio, the moment I sat down almost like a horror movie the Ice Cream Man was right behind me, pondering his next rediculous question. "You're are very tall, you must play basketbal.l" he says as if it were fact. I reply again with the only way I knew how, "No" I told him. But he didn't believe me. (But common fair enough, I mean who was I fooling I had to play basketball. I mean all Germans are Nazis right, every Asian boy works in a sweatshop, and we all know that the Mexicans are friggin' L-A-Z-Y, so i see exactly why me being a basketball star, turned rapper/criminal, with at least 2 illegitimate children, wasn't that much of a stretch.

... So in conclusion I guess today I learned that Ignorance is not bliss
Ignorance is just, well... Ignorance.

A Tropical Storm You'll Want To Miss

Tropic Thunder is possibly the second worst (not) comedy of the year (that is till Disaster Movie hits the big screen). With every passing moment of the film I no longer felt like I was watching a comedy but instead felt that i was watching the funeral of three comedian's careers. With every (unfunny) misfortune that happened to Jack Blacks character, I was only forced to see the irony of his dying career. The only possibly thing that saved this movie at from being a total disgrace to anyone who ever fought in the Vietnam War, was Ben Stiller’s typical slapstick character. (Which I must admit were some of the only laughs I had) Looking like a superstar comedian Ben Stiller was the only thing that kept this movie bearable.

I warn everyone to take cover before the Tropic Thunder(storm) does strike, and stay out of the way of Jack Black’s funeral procession.

The Curse of the Cursed stand up comedian.

Awesome, two shows in a row which have only out done each other for the worst shows ever. I shall tell you about them now. Sorry it will be long but a promised good read. (I think)

August 9th 2008
it’s overcast Saturday afternoon, I’m on my way to a small farm in the outermost regions of Ottawa to a festival know to a very small community of people as "Burnfest". To do a 20 minute set to a crowd of 60 or so. As I arrive I am informed that an invisible children video is to be played followed by me. Now invisible children is a 55 minuet tear jerker of a documentary about children soldiers in Uganda who were kidnapped and forced into war, not a single joke in that video, so naturally not the best opener for a comic about to go on stage. So the video is coming to a close, I grab my water bottle and look into the crowd and there is not a single "dry eye" in the audience, which usually is a good expression but definitely not now. So I go up first 4-5 jokes have no response from a "deer in the headlights looking audience". Sweat is starting to build in my forehead, so I decide to kill the tyrannosaurus rex in the room by saying. “If you don't laugh at my jokes I will turn each and every one of you into child soldiers" (false) from then on it was smooth sailing. In reality I just said some little comment making fun of myself and a few more jokes and it turned into a pretty decent show. I was only left to think that I have fought through the worst show I will ever have.

August 16th 2008
(Worst show I will ever have)
...this is an excerpt from an email I sent, way too long to type again,
...we went to the beach that my show was at. It was a beach volleyball tournament, with a concert tent set up, where some bands were playing, and I was to perform. So basically 3 min after I arrive I get called to the stage. (Which was 30 min earlier than I expected) I get on stage and there is about 30-40 people scattered around sitting on the grass eating lunch. The problem I noticed first was that the tent had one open side, which was showing about 4 simultaneous games going on, that wasn't only distracting me but also my audience. So about 2 min, into my set that is already off to a rough but not terrible start, a lady walks up stands right in front of me and stops me mid joke, to ask me to hold the mic closer and talk louder so she can hear me from outside of the tent (instead of the much simpler and much less rude method of just joining the audience) So now with me trying to recover and (re)grab the attention of my audience, things look like they were about to turn for the better and actually make this a decent show, when all of a sudden my mic shut off(mid joke), and the sound man turns on his own mic and goes, I just have to make an announcement. He proceeds to start babbling about some volleyball score, and some other mundane crap that I’m positive could have waited till later. Now with me assured that this couldn't get any worse (mostly because I didn't think it was humanly possible) I was ready to get the show on the road. (literally/figuratively) About 4 min later an air horn goes off just outside the tent, then almost on command half my audience stands up and walks away. (I later find out that siren was to announce the start of a new game and not officially announce my bombing of the show) Stunned at what has just happened I plod through and try to stay on course, again with it looking like it was going to pick up a new batch of volleyball players bearing meals and distraction, fumble up to the tent and sit at the front. By this time 25 min of absolute hell (I’m sure that is what hell is like, and I’m just as scared of it as I was before) I say thanks for listening (half heartedly) and leave. I went and said my thanks to the organizer and left right away, frustrated and unwilling to talk to anyone. That was the worst so I will ever have (hopefully)
FIN.

The Mist(ake)

Never in my life have i seen a group so idiotic, and so irrational till i viewed the movie The Mist. The characters are all right at par with the director, writer, producer, and even the camera man can get in on this, and that is insanely retarded. There must have been something in the air (pun intended) in the writers room that day in Darkwoods Productions, that took over there bodies and made them decide to take a Steven King novel (a best seller one can only assume) and rape it (prison style) with a B movie.

COMEDY: /ˈkɒmɪdi/[kom-i-dee] noun, plural -dies.
1. THE MIST

The Mist = comedy for i cannot see it any other way. With the characters constant overreactions at every danger, where they would suddenly lose a massive amount of brains cell that would shut off natural reactions, such as running, or for that matter simple blocking,or ducking and instead left the characters with only with the ability to stand still and scream at danger until death for came them. With characters so annoying that i began to become jealous that "the mist" was the one that got to kill them instead of I. I prayed for an ending

(MOVIE ENDING SPOILER COMING UP SO IF PLANNING ON VIEW THIS TRASH BIN OF A MOVIE AND ACTUALLY CARING DON'T FINISH READING THIS... )

that came with a bang (again pun intended) the main character decided it was best to euthanize everyone in the car trying to escape (including his son) when all hope looked lost, where if he spent a moment thinking about anything he would have seen that the military had just arrived to clear the mist. LAME.

I rate this movie two thumbs up Steven Kings ass, sorry about the rape buddy.